Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My pussy is not your playground.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
