Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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