I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
