Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
