Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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