Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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