Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
