So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
high people should be assigned attendants
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
