I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
