Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
