Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
