So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
