This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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