My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I died a long time ago.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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