Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize