I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize