Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
