Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
