When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
