Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You are the jesus of drinking
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
