I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize