He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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