I accidentally had phone sex last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
