my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
third nipple confirmed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
