i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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