jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
