Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is Oprah even human
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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