I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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