i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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