Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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