I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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