and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
