I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
