Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
