i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
