Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
