Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I stole a fireplace last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
