My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
