My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
