Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
