I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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