i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
