you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Come share oat with me in your robe
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
