I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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