if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
