remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
