I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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