i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
