Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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