Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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