Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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