you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
