My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
