dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
