i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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