Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
