You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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