Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
