jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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