a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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