You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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