I heard we made out
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
