So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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