would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
