I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
