Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
