so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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